Screw those guys, Eli.

They obviously don’t know shit. You was robbed, man. What you spit was a little anti-gay, but a lot of rappers are guilty of this, and I’m sure you’re sincerely flattering them though imitation. Yeah?

Their boy Envy may not have cut out like you did, but his rhymes were flat. Whatever that means. You may have freaked out, but you were ‘straight-up gully, dawg’ (check my street credentials, gangsta-chum. I’m Tuf 2 Def [or thereabouts]).

Bless you and your half-tucked polo (I thought people did that to show off their belt buckles, but Eli don’t give a lazy fuck. He don’t give half one lazy fuck. How you like him now?!). And you’re allowed to say homophobic things because you may be gay too, right? Shit… am I trying to make sense of this?

Jokes aside though – if I choked like that on stage, I’d be RUNNING rather than sticking around to finish my verse. Anxiety’s a horrible feeling and we all know this. Panic can be such a wreckage, to say it merely sucks would be hellishly flippant. Well, at least that first judge on the panel knew what was going on.

And now that I’ve made everyone feel a bit guilty, let the comedy ensue. And let us all fervently hope that wack-ass bitches like Envy never get away with thinking he’s so great just because it all came out in a steady stream (Ladies! Can I get a… hey… ladies?).

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