I now like to match someone’s volume if they’re gonna yell into the phone.
I LOVE YOU MUM BUT WOAH WHAT OH GOD OH MY HEAD OUCH DAMN IT. It’s like auto-speakerphone or something. Or an air-raid siren that magically produces words.

Is this payback for all the times I screamed in the supermarket (and let’s face it, most other public places) as a kid? If I put it that way, then I guess I’ve no right to complain. I was a seriously embarrassing child.

At least now I know she and Pa had a safe flight. And so does the entire house, probably.


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