Miscellany: Part III


XOXO (name in corner: James F. McKean – the artist presumably responsible for the picture…?)

  1. I recently realised that I moved out of my parents’ house roughly ten years ago. That’s a long time.
  2. One day, I’m going to find Kanye West and lecture him about why Beck did deserve his ‘Artist of the Year’ award. What a smug bitch he is. He can’t just keep on interrupting acceptance speeches every time he doesn’t agree with what’s just happened in front of him. I don’t really have an opinion on Taylor Swift, but she looked super bummed when she was interrupted by him also. People should just stop inviting him to things until he calms the fuck down. But they won’t because scandal scandal article fodder more page views blah blah blah. Damn it.
  3. Oh yeah, Beck‘s a Scientologist. I keep forgetting that, which is good, because it really shouldn’t matter to anyone but him, I guess.
  4. So is Justin Meldal-Johnsen. It’s super hilarious to imagine him being “audited” for Thetan-cooties or whatever those tests are supposed to register. I don’t know why; it just is. No offense intended.
  5. Can everyone just please take a minute to think about how great Stephen Fry is? Because he’s great and grand and a genius. I will never not love that guy. I cried when I heard he attempted suicide, and again when I learned that he survived.
  6. Pharrell Williams is, in my opinion, a perfectly fine and rather skilled producer and performer, but not necessarily such a good lyricist. Maybe I’m kind of a bitch for thinking this, but some of his lines are so weird and shitty. He seems to get away with it though, so maybe it’s not as bad as I think…?
  7. I do not like those little umbrellas that some people put in their drinks. Something about them really shits me, and I’m not sure what exactly.
  8. Sometimes I worry that I might be using the word “that” somewhat excessively sometimes. Fuck that. FUUUUUUUU—
  9. I own a lot of clothing I never wear anymore. Better get rid of it before I pointlessly drag it all to another house to languish in obscurity in another wardrobe.
  10. I thought I’d never use anything I learned from Athletics Club, but then I hurdled a really high fence the other day. Didn’t even get ground-shocked on the landing. Fuck yes. Dad would be proud… kinda.
  11. I’m pretty sure my brother’s gone FULL BUSINESS-DOUCHE. This makes me kinda sad, but it’s his definition of success, so I hope he’s as into it as he seems. Either that, or he’ll wild the fuck out in middle age, and we’ll finally be able to get along properly.
  12. I simply can’t bring myself to dislike Ed Sheeran. I’m not into his music, but he just seems really, really, really nice.
  13. Boneface rules. Bonefacebonefaceboneface.
  14. I’m fighting the urge to lie on the ground and assume foetal position. I fight this urge far more often than I’d like to admit. Usually, I’ll just pull my sleeves over my hands instead.
  15. Why am I so nice to people who grope me when they’re drunk? Why don’t I just smash them the fuck over? Like, seriously, it’s not my job not to make a scene. Scene was made already. It’s insulting to do to someone in the first place, but I simply cannot abide being expected to laugh about it later. I won’t bitch about someone like that to their friends or anything, but I will never fully trust them again.
  16. I miss Top Gear a lot more than I thought I would.
  17. Why does my mother feel the need to comment on my weight? I’m either far too large, or far too small. As much as I don’t want to blame her in any way for my disordered relationship with food, there’s still a lot she has to answer for. She knows this. At least I’m finally over it, even if she isn’t.
  18. I don’t know how to feel about Tom Green anymore, but at least I still love the Subway Monkey Hour.
  19. Why do I hate humans so much? It’s almost like I think I’m not one.

  20. This is stuck in my head, and I kinda don’t want it to leave.
  21. Why do I feel the need to do things like this? It feels annoyingly narcissistic sometimes.
  22. Why does my own face annoy me so much? It’s just a face, god damn it. With facial features and stuff.
  23. It’s sad when someone steals something from you and then never talks to you again. It’s like they think that the friendship you used to share was worth this one material thing. It’s even sadder when I realise that I would’ve given them what they took, if only they asked me for it. Things < people. Fuck’s sake.
  24. I should move out of this country, but I can’t think of anywhere else I’d like to live. It’s not like I haven’t tried, but I always seem to end up back here. That said, I do love it here, but I find myself needing to remind myself why far more often than I’d like.
  25. One day, I won’t be so anxious over all these inconsequential things.
  26. One day, I’ll stop being such an annoying fuuuuuuucking cunt.
  27. One day, I’ll write real things again, rather than the garbage I’ve been spouting lately.
  28. One day, I won’t be so hard on myself.
  29. One day, I’ll stop with all this “one day” shit.
  31. My life’s pretty good, actually. Both my parents are alive, each of my limbs are intact, I’m able to earn a living on more or less my own terms, and there’s a roof over my head. All of these things are good.
  32. I wonder how many ex-Christians still feel like they’re being watched by the ol’ sky-homie. I feel lucky that I escaped indoctrination at an early enough age to have avoided this. I have enough so-called crosses to bear without that shit hanging over me.
  33. I once broke three of my fingers at once. They were accidentally slammed in a car boot, and out of shock, I tried to wrench my hand out by force, which only made things worse. I passed out before anyone else realised why I was screaming, and I was later told that my right-hand ring-finger was bent to the side by something like a 40-degree angle. I had to learn to do a lot of things with my left hand, which was frustrating at the time, but ultimately quite useful long-term.
  34. I wish I didn’t find children so draining to be around. I tend to forget I was a very draining child, once upon a time.
  35. I wish I didn’t find people so draining to be around.
  36. Wait… am I one of those draining people? Oh, hell. Not this shit again.
  37. SOY UN PERDEDOR fuckfuckfuck.
  38. More things should glow in the dark. Because glow-in-the-dark things are fun.
  39. Sentence fragment (consider revising).
  40. I wish I wasn’t such a bitch to everyone every time I get depressed.
  41. I need to get out of my own head.
  42. Where’s the cat? AWWW THERE HE IS AWWW WHAT A LI’L DUDE. Get over here, you cute wee FUCKER.
  43. I’m glad I can touch door handles without hyperventilating. I just have to make sure I don’t think too much about it.
  44. How do people use earbud headphones and still feel fine about it? I’ve tried, and I just can’t.
  45. That whole “looking good, feeling good” thing is such a lie. Same goes for “fake it ’til you make it”. But maybe a lot of peoples’ lives would be much harder without being able to tell themselves these things, so I guess they are lies I can withstand.
  46. I find myself missing having a “real” job sometimes. Then I laugh like a maniac, because that’s stupid. I do have a real job, and I’m pretty lucky to have it.
  47. Why can’t we all just accept that famous people aren’t always total saints? Sure, they deserve to be called out on shitty things they do if they know better, but I’m not about to hate someone I’ve never met for doing something questionable when life wasn’t so good for them. That’d be hypocritical and pointless.
  48. My dad is the best dad ever. I can’t stop apologising to him for how hard I was to raise, even though he badly wants me to stop mentioning it.
  49. My spare time is slowly becoming harder to deal with. I need to do more. See more. Learn more.
  50. I’m going outside. Wish me luck.

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