The only reason I care about taxes

is that I know beyond a reasonable doubt that none of my loved ones (including me, because I love myself to a certain degree) deserve fraud charges and insurmountable debts following them around.

I know there are other reasons to care, but I can’t pretend I’m one of those people who wants to uphold their civic duties or whatever. No, I’d rather not act like some uppity douche and say that I feel the need to pay for infrastructure and stuff so I can sleep at night. Maybe I’d give a shit if I was able to choose the materials and the contractors involved, but that’s not the point. I digress (maybe because I’m thinking about something boring, fuck, is it ever so boring).

I have three things that help me deal with this mess:
– an IRD number (committed to memory, because reasons)
– Microsoft Excel (I HATE IT SO MUCH BUT AT LEAST IT’S SOMETHING)
– basic accounting knowledge (a + e = l + oe + r)

Sadly, not all the people I know have these things at their disposal. They’re usually the types who will work hard to hone a creative skill in hopes that it’ll put food on the table and roof over their head, without being able to anticipate much else. I won’t lie, this only includes one side of my family (and anyone who knows my cultural heritage can probably guess which). So I’m the type who will offer assistance because I feel lucky to find it such a straightforward process.

– show me proof of assets (a) and expenses (e)
– same for liabilities (l), owner’s equity (oe) and revenue (r)
– give me time to tabulate the results
– provide me with the necessary forms
– sign those fuckers if you agree with my working.

I will only submit that information once per fiscal year. I can’t allow anyone to blame me if they signed something they might double-guess later; I’m only working with what’s been provided. I’m not going to chase anyone up for additional invoices, because playing at being an accountant sucks enough without taking on the squirm-worthy role of auditor as well. I have to draw the line somewhere.

If someone expects me to fabricate records, then I won’t help.
If the records I’ve been given figure out to be an incorrect simultaneous equation, then I can’t help.
If someone doesn’t keep their records and invoices, then I really can’t help.

This usually turns out well, but only if I lay down the aforementioned terms. It hasn’t always been easy, but if I care about who I want to help, then I’ll bear down and deal with what’s necessary to keep them from drowning on dry land, because I genuinely give a shit about their welfare. These people have enough problems without dealing with legalities that seem Kafka-esque to them.

And that’s why I’ll deal with boring fuuuuuuucking taxes. Out of love. Which also means I won’t accept payment for helping out.

…that’d just be another source of income I’d have to declare anyway, right? I’d rather not. ^_^

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